We are humans. We are either constantly changing, eager to learn more every day. Or, we stay on the same spot enjoying the sweet sound of comfort. Either way we live, we learn, we die. Oh, but before that we also date.
Dating when you’re above 30 is hardly a pretty picture. Why? Because, you have already developed a character that has certain demands. When you’re 15, 16 years old your life has just begun. You usually don’t know which path to take. And, you hardly expect your partner to behave or have specific qualities other than he’s cute or she likes beer. After your 30s you have already been hurt, fell down, got up, fell down again, faced the good sides and bad sides of life, had a few lovers and discovered more about yourself.
Let’s say you’ve more or less matured and you have an idea of what your life should look like. Because of this, the partner needs to meet some requirements such as: more stability, responsibility if you’re thinking of having children or a certain level of knowledge if you want an intellectual challenge. It might look like a short wish list but, these characteristics often pair up with other ones as well. This is why it’s difficult to find someone, dating easily turning into a disaster.
Too picky? Have you ever heard that? ‘You are too picky? Just find someone and stay with him or her.’ It’s the worst mistake you could ever make. Scared of ending up alone, you decide to accept the first person you meet with all his or her weird traits. Let me tell you something, there are no guarantees you will still be with that person over 10 years. If you fear ending up alone, that is probably what will happen in the end. Don’t allow yourself to stay with someone you don’t love or doesn’t match. Don’t stay miserable just because of fear. Choose wisely and choose patiently.
In a world of social media I find us becoming shallower as the days pass. Even I catch myself judging a man based on his Facebook profile, his pictures, his friends, his job. It’s horrible. And worse, with all the distorted selfies and the indoctrination of what beauty is, we have become superficial and shallow as hell. Looks are very important, social life, traveling experience and financial status. We have created the ideal profile to which a partner should match, forgetting what was important to us. We follow the pretty pictures like hypnotized monkeys. Wake up and dare to be different!
There are a lot of women who like to get physical on their first date or whose eyes shine at the sight of money. Because of this, men have the tendency to think all women are the same. Men can’t help themselves thinking this way. Women can’t help themselves either, concluding that all men want to get them in bed as soon as possible and are not interested in their minds.
The majority ruined the chances for the few lost souls that want more than financial gain or a night of pleasure. And at the same time we struggle to go on a date keeping an open mind and an unbiased point of view. We try to forget all the bad experiences and focus on new good ones. We try not to judge a person too quickly by the looks or words because of the scars we bare from previous dates or relationships.
Where are all the good ones? It’s that feeling: all the good ones are taken. Men and women that are truly beautiful on the inside and outside are in relationships. And so, their partners hold on tight to them knowing what they could lose. Perhaps. But there are those in the same situation as we are so we cannot be unique. Let’s not forget that from all the relationships all over the world, perhaps 5% if lucky have a happy marriage, love and the ideal picture of which we dream. The rest stay in the relationship afraid of being alone, financially independent, afraid of affecting the children or just comfortable with the same situation over and over.
Not everyone challenges themselves to the point they realize they deserve better. Not everyone deserves better to begin with. A narcissistic asshole who doesn’t care about anyone and has a partner that isn’t that pretty but takes care of him every day, hardly deserves better even though he probably believes it. His partner on the other hand might think she does not deserve better while she actually does. Who deserves who? It all comes down to how we think, what kind of persons we have become, our fears and insecurities, how much we learned from our mistakes and how many expectations we have created.
We become individuals and pull ourselves away from the herd of relationships that are just there to pass the time. We stand aside and watch. Sometimes we wonder if it would be best to join the herd, best to stop thinking and stop challenging ourselves so much. But we can’t. We can’t compromise, we can’t accept mediocrity. We can’t. It’s all or nothing. And it may be difficult but one day you will see her or him standing on the other side of the road, watching the herd and thinking the exact same thing as you do. You won’t join the herd as a couple, you will stand aside and continue to watch because that is who you are. But this time, you will stand as a couple and watch the herd while you are both holding hands.
And yes, this article is called rules of dating so of course I will post them. Check out the next post.
Linda Radwan 